Why Do We Fear Change?

I lived in the same house for 21 years and then I left home. It was safe in that house, secure, of course it was childhood and I did not have to worry about anything, my parents took care of me and provided what I needed. When I finally moved at age 21, I had to really take care of myself and it was terrifying. You see at the time I was pregnant and unmarried, so I not only had myself to look after, but my unborn child as well. I remember the fear of change I felt to this day. I did not even tell my parents; I just left the house with a few clothes and personal belongings and left a letter informing them of why I was leaving. 6 months later when I came to leave the apartment I was renting and my parents came to collect my belongings, I had so much stuff, and they needed a larger car to take everything I had accumulated since leaving home. I had also learned a lot from the experience and was a different person to the one I had been when I left home.

Now my fears were about having the baby, and of going home because I would be going home without the child. My fears were of the change in me and how I would cope with it, there were always fears of some sort! I need not have worried, just after I came out of hospital minus my daughter, my parents chose to move (the disgrace etc.,) and so we moved. Once again the fear of change surfaced again. We were moving to a little village miles away from anywhere; total population 300 people! One Pub, one Post Office, one small store and butchers shop. How would I cope?

I coped wonderfully at the new house. I got a new job and made some new friends at the local pub. I still went back to the old house and old haunts once a month, but soon it became a little boring, as I assimilated into my new life, the old one seemed less interesting. A young man came back into my life that I had known as a friend for 5 years. He began taking me out, and proposed to me after only a few weeks. I was 22 by now, on the shelf (single) and most of the men around were already married. I married him and we moved to London to live. Oh! The fear of going to London. My goodness did I have fear. I considered myself a country bumpkin, how would I cope in the big smoke as we called it? Well I did, married life was wonderful, London was wonderful, and my new husband was wonderful. I could not have believed I had so much fear about leaving my home and moving to London. I was having a ball. Then I got pregnant. I had been pregnant before but that was so different. I had no man and no intention of keeping the child. (Although I so wanted to) This time I was not only married, I would be keeping the child. What if I were not a good mother? What if I could not cope, my husband was in the army, and would I cope with him away a lot of the time? The fears were abject and so real. They consumed me. I worried myself silly over everything. When our son was born, all the fears disappeared and of course I coped and even though my husband WAS away a lot during the first few months I was OK.

The Universe gives us what we need to learn, and within five months of my son being born, I found I was 4 months pregnant!! Shock horror, how would I cope? Again the fear loomed. My husband could be sent to Northern Ireland at a moment's notice. In fact he came home one day and said two weeks after my new baby's birth, he was due to go to Ireland then. I worried myself sick, what if he died, how I would cope with two children 10 months apart, etc., it was just terrible. My new baby was born, and it was a daughter. Two weeks after her birth, my husband left for overseas duty. We had an apartment which just before my daughter was born; they had decided to renovate the apartment below us. The noise was terrible and trying to get two babies to sleep in the day, plus not being able to put clothes on the line outside to dry because of the dust coming from below, the lack of sleep and being without help just finished me off. I insisted on having a new apartment and was given one. The thing is I had to move on my own. I was already drowning in responsibility and fear, now I had a new fear, moving! How I did it I do not know, but I did. But promptly at the new place, I had a nervous breakdown. My husband was sent home to help me, and I made a slow but healthy recovery. Of course knowing what I know now as the metaphysician I am, I know I should never have had fear, nor should I have worried, but of course, I came from a family of worriers and fearful people. It had been ingrained in me. Everybody did it, worried and had fear, didn't they?

I finally got settled down and got on with life, and then I was informed we were moving to Germany. God, the fear really started again then. I could not speak the language. There would be no TV there, except if you spoke German. How would I cope? Again, all the fear and doubt and worry came up and I allowed it to consume me. However I could do nothing about it. We moved to Germany. Surprise!! It was wonderful. What an adventure, I soon learned enough German to speak to people in shops. I made friends, life was wonderful. I just loved living there. The Germans were heads above the English in technology especially in kitchen equipment. I was overjoyed because I found a machine which peeled potatoes, what a joy not to stand and peel by hand! I reveled in buying equipment for my kitchen, and I used it also as I loved to cook. I had my first dinner parties in Germany, learned to cook in wine (and also drink it) and settled down again. Then, shock of horrors. My husband was told he was going back to Northern Ireland. I would stay in Germany with the children. Again, the questions, how would I cope? Of course I did, even going back to England with two very young children on my own travelling by train, ferry and train again. Then returning to Germany again. I could not let go of this terrible fear I had each time I was faced with a new challenge. On my husband's next visit home he told me he had decided to leave the army when his tour of duty finished. Now I was in big time fear. How would I cope with the loss of a regular income and the security the army provided? What would my husband do for a job, where would we live; the fear once again was abject.

We coped, we went back to England, and my husband got a shortened apprenticeship as a painter/decorator. We were given a transition house to live in until we could find our own house, a lump sum of "demob" money to help us as we transitioned. The fear dissipated. But came back again a year later when we left for a new life in Australia. This time, we were going to Australia as Migrants. Our air fares would be paid for. However we were leaving everything behind we knew, talk about leaving the comfort zone behind. We had five suitcases of clothes and a few toys for the children; 300 English pounds (about $1000 AUD) and a new life ahead of us. This was fear big time now. Because unless we paid back the air fares, we could not return to England. It was a lot of money to repay for 2 adults and 2 children. Once again we coped, settled down and as life continued, one thing after another brought up an incredible amount of fear. Anytime any change occurred I worried. Fear was like a shadow with me. It was like having the grim reaper on my back. I tried so hard not to have fear, but it was always there at the mention of change. During out first year in Australia we moved twice. I got a great job after two years there, only to lose it by being sacked. (The fear then was abject as it created some real hardship) The Universe kept testing me and I kept failing. Many do not know that my real name is Wendy, Margaret is my middle name. People called me; "Worry Wendy" I was that bad. In the following years, more change followed accompanied once again by fear and worry. I could not escape it.

I became a Baha'i in 1978 and for the first time began to let go of my fear. Reading the beautiful writings of the Faith helped me to let go of a lot of fear. However I had a great belief in karma and reincarnation, and the Baha'i thinking differed from mine and I could not change it to adapt to theirs. I have always said, and will continue to do so, the four years I spent in the faith was an amazing transition for me. For it enabled me to let go of so much fear which had been instilled in me since childhood. I had even had a fear of God which came from my Christian upbringing. I no longer feared God now. Losing the fear enabled me to explore new avenues of spirituality and metaphysics and I moved into a very beautiful space. I learned to become a medium/channel. And then in 1990 I was told in a group meditation by the group leader I would soon be channeling "A Higher Consciousness" and my then Guide Argos would not be with me for much longer. The fear returned once again big time. I did not want to lose Argos; he had become a kind of mentor for me, a father figure. I was given clues as to how this energy would come in and so I steered clear of anything which looked like change in my spiritual life. I should have known the Universe was smarter than I was. In 1992 Maitreya came into my life. From day one, he meant business, and I was that business! He began to teach me a whole new testament. One of which was about fear, but one which was completely new to me. It was that what you fear, if you continue having fear and do not face it; you draw it into your energy! That was really scary! I was really grateful over the years I had faced my fear and moved into it. However, I could see area's where had actually drawn issues into my life.

It took some time to learn the concept of fear, but once I did, I began to see many areas of my life where I had drawn it, not repelled it into my life. One of those was during a very difficult time in my life during a recession. My mother and father had both lived in fear all of their lives. Especially a fear over money. My mother had got herself into debt because of her fear. I remember as a child living in her fear, as we hid behind the sofa as a debt collector came to the door, and she held her hand over my 4 year old mouth, as he called out "I know you are home Mrs. B." I did something terrible a few years later by hiding a debt letter which came and giving it to my father. Boy, it created hell in our house, as my mother always collected the mail and then dealt with it the best way she could, usually by robbing Peter to pay Paul. Maitreya taught me so much about fear. How fear is just the Self part of you which is frightened to leave the comfort zone, or try new things. He taught me to look upon change as a challenge not a fear, to look upon it as an adventure not a terrible experience. As he taught me, I felt my own terrible fears dropping away one by one. It was as if they just disappeared into the ethers. He taught me about past life fear and how it is so much a part of the now life. We have no idea either, how it does influence us, and become a part of this life. Sometimes, life after life. Life is about CHANGE. Our life is a journey and it is a school room. Just as we move forward at school when we have completed our study, so it is in life with our life lessons. We are constantly moving forward the Universe leads us all of the time, except if we have fear. Then we stymie ourselves; stop ourselves from having the adventure. Perhaps bringing us back for another round of incarnation. Once one removes fear, one finds a peace which passes all understanding. It takes a lot to do this and much facing of fear. Once we do though, we are free. It is a wonderful place to be believe me; I have a lot of experience with fear!